Henny and I both had a really hard time falling asleep last night and then not long after I finally did, I was awoken by a needing to be replaced smoke alarm battery. Beep. Beep. Beep. But I needed some yoga badly this morning so I dragged myself out of bed at 6:30. I’m never sad I that I went. But in the class, a strange feeling of discomfort came over me. Perhaps it’s because swim team is over for my kids and we’re heading into the second half of a summer that’s going too fast. Or practicing with a friend who I am sad will be moving away soon. Or thinking about the big changes that will come our way in the next year. Could be any combination of things, but as a result, I left class with a heaviness. I don’t like feeling sad or unsure about things. Who does? But I’m learning to accept those times, let them settle and be, know that they will move on and to try not to panic about them. But what they often manifest in me is feelings of self doubt. That I’m not on the right track. That others are doing things way better than me. As a Mom, a business owner, a spouse or friend. I’m not a huge fan of change. Even though 95% of the time, it’s a good thing. The process is a tough one for me. And it’s easier to be hard on myself than it is to trust in myself, my instincts and my abilities and the truth that everything will turn out as it should.
So today is one of those days that I’ll have to do my best to remember that self doubt does me no good. That my children are happy and know they are loved. They are enjoying every bit of summer and I’m certain I’ve had something to do with that. That my husband is my best friend and biggest supporter and that I am a very good friend and have gotten my complete return on investment in that department.
And finally, that even after 5 years in business, getting worried or nervous about my work is ok, but it gets me nowhere. That people hire me because they love what I deliver and the way I do it. For no other reason. And that zone I get into when the lens cap comes off is my zen and my gift.
But we’re all human and days of heaviness will come. It’s all in what we do with them. Right? Right?